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Life! and Baking! (what else is there?)

November 6, 2009

I requested the score breakdown of my FSOTs (did I mention I passed? I did. I don’t think I wrote an entry on it though) and part of me is glad that I did and the other part kind of wishes I hadn’t.
The part that is glad I did is because I passed by a pretty narrow margin (you need 154 total and I have 160.9 total) and it kind of makes me take the whole thing a little more seriously: I am not going to coast by on this one. The part that wishes I hadn’t is the part that was super confident that I could do this. I’m a big believer in confidence getting you through things. If you are confident that this is something you have in the bag, that confidence is going to work you through the stress and the nerves and the whole process in general. And now, I’m researching all these people who are better qualified than I am (e.g. they speak Chinese) who did not pass the FSOT process the first time around. The confidence is still there – in the form of I am completely confident that whatever I end up doing, once I commit myself to it, I will be fully capable of doing it well.
But I mean, shit. Like I want this, I think it would be awesome, I think I would enjoy my life as a Foreign Service Officer but it hasn’t been my life ambition. I want this career because I think it would be dynamic and meaningful. I would be directly effecting people’s lives in the consular track and yet I wouldn’t be doing the same damn thing in the same damn place – it appeals to my need to move around and my tendency to get restless every few years. The thought of doing this whole process over again is frustratingly tedious.

I’ve been tweaking the Plan B and Plan C (and rotating back and forth which is B and which is C), making sure I have all the research and ducks in a row for career alternatives if this falls through. But I’ve also started thinking about continuing to pursue the FSO track regardless – maybe going to graduate school, spending the next year lining things up to make this actually happen if it doesn’t happen this round. The thought that I might have committed to this is scary. It’s one thing to sign up for the FSOT on a sort of whim and start the process because I don’t have any better ideas and I think I’d love the career. It’s another thing to actually want it. Now that I actually want it, and want it badly enough to consider starting the process all over again if I fail, now that I’ve actually committed to it, it will be all the worse if I get knocked back to square one at any step along the way.

I had dinner and went to the Midori class (through Whole DC) with J last night. He was amused because he got the impression that it was a pretty tame class for kink standards and that I was definitely easing him in. Which is true. We had fun though, all covered in scarves like a deranged “kinky” Christmas present.
I was telling J about my Plan B and Plan C and he pointed out that he’s dated me for two months now and I’ve gone through how many possible career tracks? I haven’t really gone through them and we started dating right after I signed up for the FSOT, so it’s not as bad as all that, but yea. Part of it is that I want a dynamic life. I fully intend to be that person who has had so many career changes and life changes that my resume will look as ADD as I am (which is not, actually, technically ADD, but whatever). I’ve wanted to be a professor/academic, a lawyer, a sex therapist, a foreign service officer, an event planner, and a pastry chef. I’ve laid the groundwork for lots of those – took the GRE, am working in a law firm, took some practice LSATs, took the FSOT, made connections with other event planners, researched culinary schools, spoken with current students…
Eventually something will fall into place, I’m sure of it.

Life just kind of works that way.

Things baked recently:

  • Black bottom cupcakes with orange food dye in the cream cheese filling (for Halloween, recipe from smittenkitchen.com)
  • cauliflower and pancetta puffed crepes (from Savory Baking by Mary Cech)
  • Apple-Apple Bread Pudding (from Greenspan’s Baking)
  • Peanut butter Crisscrosses (also from Greenspan)

My favorite was by far the Apple-Apple Bread Pudding. Oh gods do I love bread pudding and this was so tasty I was kind of surprised I made it. The puffed crepes were also wicked tasty, combined with mild surprise that I actually managed to cook a dinner that tasty but they look bloody forever. That cookbook, Savory Baking? I got it through Amazon’s vine program and it might be my new favorite cookbook (not to be beaten out by Greenspan’s work). I don’t care how complicated and time consuming it is, I want to bake everything in it. That’s right. BAKE. Because simple things like a decent pasta dish and sauted veggies are beyond me but a three hour long dinner involving egg yolks and egg whites and mixing things just so is totally doable.

Recent Book Reviews:
Savory Baking by Mary Cech
All Cakes Considered by Melissa Gray

3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 6, 2009 5:54 pm

    Don’t fret on the score. I have no idea what I made (you had to request your results when I passed and I didn’t care…I passed, and that was what mattered).

    So put it behind you. No one cares about your score, only that you passed. And in so doing are already further along than 80% of the people who tested. Focus next on your essays and the oral assessment. Don’t worry about others who are more qualified (I did not test in a single language before I joined).

    Good luck with the rest of the process. It is worth the wait.

  2. Hallock permalink
    November 18, 2009 5:55 am

    Congrats on the FSOT – I took it during that same period and also passed with a narrow margin. But you know what? A pass is a pass. Its like the drivers license exam – if you get a 100 you get a license same if you get one point above passing.

    Good luck on the PN/QEP and I wouldn’t call it ADD just a various diverse set of interests!

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