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New Blog & Musings on Online Identity

April 30, 2009

I came into my own on the internet.

I’m not really joking – through the internet, through blogs I held as a teenager on websites like the now-defunct TeenOpenDiary, diaryland, and livejournal – I became who I am.  I developed the self-confidence to belive that I do, in fact, have valid opinions. I have valid opinions and I am a valid person on my own – something that can be difficult to establish when you’re a fifteen year old queer living in rural Maine with a somewhat oppressive personality of a father… that’s another story, however.

I stopped blogging when I graduated high school and started my undergraduate at a small women’s college in southwest Virginia. As a prospective student, I met three people who recognized me from my blog. Feeling like that was a time bomb that I did not want to touch with a forty foot pole, I shut down my domain.  Maybe eventually I’ll get another domain, brush up on my CSS skills, and do it up all nice and pretty like I used to.  We’ll see how committed I get to this version of a blog.

I’ve been thinking about using the various versions of “aelphaba” and “aelphabawest”, an online identity that I took on years ago (way before Wicked was a musical).  Yes, it was “inspired” by Wicked, but at this point I don’t even associate it with the novel. I’ve used it for so long that it is simply a representation of who I am online. However, “aelphaba” is known to my family and my friends – it is not anonymous.  I will be talking about things that I probably would not tell my mother about.  But does this matter? Aside from the fact that my mother’s internet research skills are somewhat less than stellar, does it really  matter if my family stumbles upon this blog?

I am not “in the closet” about anything in my life – though there are aspects that are “don’t ask, don’t tell,” if you will. Hopefully my family will not “ask” and have this blog “tell.”
But really? As far as I am concerned, if someone – family or otherwise – objects to what I write about and how I live my life, that is their problem if they choose to read it.

In the end, I am more happy with my life and where it is going than I have ever been at any point in my short twenty three years. I am queer, fiercely sex positive, poly, and kinky – yet that is really just window dressing. I am who I am and I am unapologetic about who I am,  because this is something that is working for me.  Find your own path, figure out what works for you – that is really all anyone can hope for. I’m working on figuring out exactly where this path is taking me – which will be what any future rambles discuss.

Mostly, I need to write more. For years I wrote academically and used that as my outlet. I’ve been without it for nearly a year now, since I turned in that last bit of my monster of a thesis. (A 94-page research monster titled The Political and Economical Context of the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882. Yup. It was bad ass, I’ve never been more proud of anything.)

So. Here goes.

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